The Scotsman

Click on MORE to see the whole joke.  I am sure that you can use any 2 countries and make the joke work; for instance, substitute the Visigoths for the Scotsman and Rome for England.  But whatever, still funny.

One day an English group of 10000 soldiers is marching towards Scotland, to conquer her borders. The commander of the English army was ahead of the marching soldiers on horseback when he saw a lone Scotsman on top of the hill that they were approaching. He asked an officer if he saw an other Scotsmen but the officer shook his head no. The commander decided to ignore the lone Scotsman and continue marching. When they were within earshot the Scotsman stuck his clamor into the ground, in front of him, and began yelling at the English commander. “Bloody English. You couldn’t kill a damn cow if it was on the chopping block. Go home before I have to go and really satisfy your wives!”

With that the Scotsman raised the front of his kilt and began shaking his blue ribbon at the English. The commander, offended by this, twenty five of his best soldiers to kill the lone Scotsman. The men ran up the hill and the Scotsman ducked behind the other side of the hill. There was much screaming and then the Scotsman appeared on the top of the hill again. “Is that the best you can do? I bet that these men’s wives will be lonely so if you don’t mind I must get going towards London now to satisfy them.” With that the Scotsman began to make faces at the English and flipped them the bird. The commander fuming told the officer to send fifty of his soldiers to the top of the hill and kill the Scotsman, but he wanted his heart now.

Fifty blood lusted soldiers ran up the hill and began screaming as they neared the Scots man. The Scotsman again ducked behind the other side of the hill and the sounds of battle were heard. Once again the Scotsman returned to the top of the hill intact and cleaning his blade. He smiled at the commander and then screamed “I am going to have a fun time tonight. All those women, such little time”

The commander got very angered at the insolence of this lone Scotsman and ordered one hundred soldiers up the hill. The Scotsman disappeared behind the hill and again the sounds of battle emerged. The Scotsman reappeared and began screaming obscenities at the commander.

This little procedure continued until the command was down to only 1000 men. With one swift command he ordered the last 1000 men up the hill to kill the damn Scotsman. After hours of combat he saw a single English soldier emerge on top of the hill. He was missing a leg and a hand, but he managed to crawl down the hill. The commander looked down at the soldiers pulped body and got him some water. After drinking the water the soldier said “Be careful, it’s an ambush. There’s two of ’em.”

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.